Triumph of the W

My Commemorative Remarks on the Occasion of the End of the Bush Presidency

By John Quimby

It wasn't easy. It was hard work.
Yes, through hard work and solid determination, George Bush has forever lowered the requirements and claimed the title of, "Worst President of All Time".

Quite an achievement for a wealthy man who was sort of from West Texas. A man who learned early on that he didn't actually have to work for a living.

But now, the public hushes, and we speak in reverent tones as the man himself lowers himself even further to take a final bow when surely none are needed.

I know that the Detroit Lions are glad this day that no one can ever take away their title by losing more football games in a single season. And who can predict another epic failure like New Coke or Windows Vista?

But the sad truth for Mr. Bush is that one day, somehow, we will have a president who is an even bigger loser than he is.

It won't be hard to find that person, because I know that someone out there has the grit, fortitude and American determination to take the Presidency to a new level of arrogance, blind ambition and stupidity.

And so tonight, in the dim awareness of a blindly led Republic, former Hall of Fame greats like James Buchanon and Warren G. Harding shine a little less brightly in the Presidential pantheon of losers.

For tonight they await the arrival of their new champion.

I'll watch the prime time event. I just hope I don't cry.